Back and Next - Back and NextDating a Married Man
Friday, November 21, 2008
Are you a lover of talk show programs? If you are, what stations do you like watching? Since there are hundred of stations that you can tune to with some of the inexpensive satellite set available in the market, I do not need to remind you about one of the most popular talk show program.
But for the benefit of those that do not have access to satellite, I am talking about Oprah Winfrey talk show. Recently I was watching this intelligent woman talk about why women date married men. Oprah had invited four women to share their stories and experiences about why they dated married men. The more I listened to these four women the more it become clear to me that there really are no advantages to such relationships apart from pain and headaches. I mean it is full of disadvantages. Do you know that or you want to doubt me? Okay, here we go.
It was amazing to hear the reasons why women thought it was okay to date married men despite what a woman like them, Oprah, highlighted as negative in her probes. Some of what the women said is similar to what I have been seeing and hearing or giving as reasons for dating married men in some of my conversations with women that are in this racquet.
They are things like ‘he promised and told me that he is leaving his wife’, ‘his immediate family (wife and children) knows nothing about me…am I hurting anyone?’ ‘Our affair is open, stimulating and exciting.’
There are other thing you will hear like ‘he really takes care of me’ and ‘his relationship with his wife was over before I came into the picture.’ How true are these statements? Some women are part of the reasons why the gentlemen divorced their wives.
I can continue with all this women talk without break. But my question is how does one as a woman find herself in such a dilemma because at the end there is always regret. Or does it mean that women consciously decide to date married men. Tell me is it by coincidence? To some women I think it is a choice or influence from friends.
Some women seek married men because they do not want to be tied down and become answerable to anybody. They complain that single guys are always available but full of commands and some are stingy.
A woman during the talk show said; “when you meet some of these men, you fall in love thinking it’s a phase, it will pass, but months add to years in the relationship.” A follow up question from Oprah was “after you realize he was married, why did you not get out?” The response was that man will give a lot of excuses like ‘I will leave her, you just have to be patient.’
My argument is that if your man does not leave or divorce his wife the very month or even six months after he met you, sweet heart it is unlikely he would never. This means you might probably remain single all your life if you don’t take a decision and quit.
Also the fact is that the relationship is especially different is not cool. Which means it is always abnormal and with risks. One thing that is core to the single-married relationship is the lies, the deceit. Imagine having a man you cannot call anytime because he tells you he works long hours. He is the one to call because that is the time he is free to talk; probably when he is free from the right owner of her soul - wife.
You have a man who cannot be seen in public places with you, he tells you he is afraid because his mother will find out he is cheating on his wife. A man who will never spend a whole evening and night with you because he has a meeting first thing tomorrow morning.
You have a man who tells you he will leave his wife for you and you believe it. Remember he might do the same to you as well once the fire is gone. You’ll get tarnished with the same brush. This it is said in Yoruba that the cane that husband used to flog the first wife is at the roof for the other wife.
You withdraw from your friends because they don’t like your man, but then you spend nights, weekends alone because he is away on holiday with his family and in your mind he has gone to tell his wife the truth about you and him.
Stop lying to yourself. He is out having fun with his family. They call this ‘fun family time’ and you are the last person in his thoughts, because you are an intruder who is out of sight and out of mind.
NB
Read subsequent edition for ‘men dating married women.’
But for the benefit of those that do not have access to satellite, I am talking about Oprah Winfrey talk show. Recently I was watching this intelligent woman talk about why women date married men. Oprah had invited four women to share their stories and experiences about why they dated married men. The more I listened to these four women the more it become clear to me that there really are no advantages to such relationships apart from pain and headaches. I mean it is full of disadvantages. Do you know that or you want to doubt me? Okay, here we go.
It was amazing to hear the reasons why women thought it was okay to date married men despite what a woman like them, Oprah, highlighted as negative in her probes. Some of what the women said is similar to what I have been seeing and hearing or giving as reasons for dating married men in some of my conversations with women that are in this racquet.
They are things like ‘he promised and told me that he is leaving his wife’, ‘his immediate family (wife and children) knows nothing about me…am I hurting anyone?’ ‘Our affair is open, stimulating and exciting.’
There are other thing you will hear like ‘he really takes care of me’ and ‘his relationship with his wife was over before I came into the picture.’ How true are these statements? Some women are part of the reasons why the gentlemen divorced their wives.
I can continue with all this women talk without break. But my question is how does one as a woman find herself in such a dilemma because at the end there is always regret. Or does it mean that women consciously decide to date married men. Tell me is it by coincidence? To some women I think it is a choice or influence from friends.
Some women seek married men because they do not want to be tied down and become answerable to anybody. They complain that single guys are always available but full of commands and some are stingy.
A woman during the talk show said; “when you meet some of these men, you fall in love thinking it’s a phase, it will pass, but months add to years in the relationship.” A follow up question from Oprah was “after you realize he was married, why did you not get out?” The response was that man will give a lot of excuses like ‘I will leave her, you just have to be patient.’
My argument is that if your man does not leave or divorce his wife the very month or even six months after he met you, sweet heart it is unlikely he would never. This means you might probably remain single all your life if you don’t take a decision and quit.
Also the fact is that the relationship is especially different is not cool. Which means it is always abnormal and with risks. One thing that is core to the single-married relationship is the lies, the deceit. Imagine having a man you cannot call anytime because he tells you he works long hours. He is the one to call because that is the time he is free to talk; probably when he is free from the right owner of her soul - wife.
You have a man who cannot be seen in public places with you, he tells you he is afraid because his mother will find out he is cheating on his wife. A man who will never spend a whole evening and night with you because he has a meeting first thing tomorrow morning.
You have a man who tells you he will leave his wife for you and you believe it. Remember he might do the same to you as well once the fire is gone. You’ll get tarnished with the same brush. This it is said in Yoruba that the cane that husband used to flog the first wife is at the roof for the other wife.
You withdraw from your friends because they don’t like your man, but then you spend nights, weekends alone because he is away on holiday with his family and in your mind he has gone to tell his wife the truth about you and him.
Stop lying to yourself. He is out having fun with his family. They call this ‘fun family time’ and you are the last person in his thoughts, because you are an intruder who is out of sight and out of mind.
NB
Read subsequent edition for ‘men dating married women.’
Author: by Yunus Salieu
See Also - See Also