Lovelines:Relationship: forget and forgive how possible is it? (Cont’d)

All relationships have their moments of hurt, pain, and disappointments. Sometimes, it is someone you love most that will hurt you most. It is impossible to be in a relationship without conflict. We are all unique with difficult needs, values aspirations and temperaments.

Sometimes as individuals, we fight within ourselves. Know that when we are into a relationship, the degree of disorder increases as we move from unique identity to partnership identity. We should know that nature seeks a balance. We seem to admire those who have charisma we lack. For example, a quiet woman loves a talkative man, but in the other hand quiet man doesn’t need a talkative woman. This is part of a cause for conflict. We can also add that sometimes situations outside our relationship can put our love at risk. These include work, friends, position, wants and in-laws among.

Conflicts between partners sometimes have its significance because it is natural and it is an agent of change. Conflicts well handled build relationships. It helps partners to understand each other and appreciate other views. On the other hand, conflicts poorly handled put our relationships at risk and in jeopardy. So small issues handed poorly can grow and destroy a relationship.

Therefore how do you forgive? Conflicts are part of everybody’s life and part of all relationships, if you ever wanted to stay in a relationship you must expect conflicts and be willing to forgive your partner and forget. Remind yourself of your self-worth.

Admit you are hurt but deal with your emotions positively and systematically. Be humble to accept that you are also human. Sometimes you are the offender. You are capable of doing whatever your partner has done to hurt you. If you haven’t done it, it is not by your strength but by God’s grace.

Pray for your partner so that God gives him or her same grace. It is impossible to pray for your partner and still hold grudges, hurts, anger and bitterness in your heart. As you pray, God heals you and heals your love. You can never prevent your lover from hurting you but you can choose to forgive.

So if your lover offends you that takes energy from you and robs you from yourself-worth the only way to regain your dignity are to forgive him or her. You don’t need to apologize to be forgiven but there are many ways to apologize that we can refer to as neutral or system apology when it comes to relationship. Do it unconditionally not with condition.

It is also known that hurt; anger, self hatred, anxiety and bitterness stimulate the brains to produce toxins which predispose us to mental, physical ad spiritual harm. The only way to heal you is to forgive. If you refuse to forgive, you act like someone who keeps taking in toxins but expect somebody else to die from the toxins.

 As the ‘Wolof’ proverb goes ‘nobody takes medicine on behalf of another.’ You take in toxin by your anger. You take it out by forgiving. The only person who benefits by your forgiveness is you; but not the one who offends you. Not forgiven prevents you from giving or receiving anything from God. So forgive and you shall be forgiven and whey you forget never let the remembrance hurt or cause you any harm.